


Dork Competition

by Ectoplasmictoast



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Aged up characters, Drug Use, Gen, Gender-neutral Reader, I headcanon that Ned occasionally drinks and smokes heavily in his high school/college years, I wrote this with the idea that reader is pinning for both ned and peter, M/M, Marijuana, Multi, Oh wait, Other, Reader Insert, Reader's gender is not specified, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Weed, and ned is pinning for reader and possible peter, and peter is pinning for reader and possibly ned, and peter smokes like once a week, and ptsd, and smokes a vap pen with dabs in it to help with stress, can be read as platonic or romantic though, dont know if there will be more this was really just a comfort fic for me, gender neutral reader, like 19 or 20, ngl was high writing and proof reading this so sorry if it sucks, reader does not know Peter is Spider-Man, there are like zero smoking fics so here is one lmao, they're college age, tw:swearing, tw:weed smoking, uh idk, will probably look over tomorrow morning when not high, x Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 12:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17849522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ectoplasmictoast/pseuds/Ectoplasmictoast
Summary: "Okay okay okay. I always ask everyone this question, but like on a scale of pizza how high are you?""What?""Okay, so ya know how you cook pizza in the oven? Like you have to-okay like when a pizza cooks in the oven, it's all soft and mushy and as it cooks it gets all uh ya know golden brown and stuff and if you cook it for too long it starts to get darker and like burnt so on a scale of pizza where being sober is like the ready to be put in the oven. Like raw dough not cooked at all and then being blasted is like being cooked for too long, you're too high without greening out."Peter continued chewing the gummy bears staring at you for a little longer than normal before replying "I think I'm too high for that question."





	Dork Competition

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly just a comfort fic for me. Don't know if I'll write more. I just feel like people see getting drunk together as doing stupid stuff as fun and smoking weed to be bad so I wrote this. I was high while writing this, so sorry if there are any spelling errors, I have Grammarly so they have my high back lol. First fic in 8 years, what weed can help accomplish

"Okay okay okay. I always ask everyone this question, but like on a scale of pizza how high are you?" 

"What?"

"Okay, so ya know how you cook pizza in the oven? Like you have to-okay like when a pizza cooks in the oven, it's all soft and mushy and as it cooks it gets all uh ya know golden brown and stuff and if you cook it for too long it starts to get darker and like burnt so on a scale of pizza where being sober is like the ready to be put it the oven. Like raw dough not cooked at all and then being blasted is like being cooked for too long, you're too high without greening out." 

Peter continued chewing the gummy bears staring at you for a little longer than normal before replying "I think I'm too high for that question." 

"That's also an acceptable question."  
Peter's went back to looking at his phone before sighing.

"What's up?" You asked.

"Neds wants to hang out. Do you think he's gonna be mad he wasn't invited?"

"It was an unplanned but not unwelcomed session. Invite him over. I know you're blazed but I'm like...just getting golden brown. I'd say I'm a high five on the one to ten scale."  
Beside you, Peter's thumbs texted furiously as you sat in bed eating cheese balls. You scrolled through Netflix landing on a John Mulaney special. 

"Netflix as a concept is so good, like you get all these shows and movies for like twelve, ninety-nine a month," you popped another handful of cheeseballs in your mouth. "-ang ish comhersha free," Peter burst out laughing when he saw that orange cheese dust got on your fingers and face. You licked the cheese off your fingers while giggling. It was nice to be able to relax and not think about the crushing responsibilities of adulthood. You felt like you were seventeen again, back in high school, without a care in the world. Except now you don't have to hide your smoking with eye drops and shoe boxes, you're an adult now with an apartment and clueless landlord, and a killer weed decor wall. 

You swiped your fingers across your screen playing a puzzle game you couldn't remember the name of and heard Peter's phone buzzed.  
"Neds gonna be here in a min." 

"Alright, I'm gonna get some snacks and wait for him to get here. Just tell him to knock." 

"Be safe."

"You too," You walked out of your room into the living room where one of your roommates were. They were too absorbed into their overwatch match to notice you raiding the fridge, foraging for something sugary to date your sweet tooth. You grabbed three water bottles and threw them in a plastic bag, then grabbed a can of Arizona iced tea, three juice boxes, cans of sodas and a box of chocolate milk for later. You shuffled through your cupboards throwing bags of chips, snack packs, mini muffins, and Doritos for good measure into another one. A knock came on the door and you opened it to see Ned's beautiful face. 

"Hey, Ned. Come on, we gotta be quiet so I can sneak all this food past my roommate." 

"Got it. Let's go." You rolled your eyes, what a dork. Together you headed back to your room.

"Hey, I brought a snack, and also bags of food," You said as you entered your room, Ned followed behind. "Smells good in here," you commented. You saw Peter smile and jump up to greet Ned.

"Hey, Ned!" He went in for a hug which Ned eagerly accepted. 

"Hey Peter, are you high?" 

"Kinda, yeah."

"Would you like to get blazed, Ned?" You asked with a stupid grin on your face and shaking the bong in your hand. You'd have to pack a new bowl but you didn't mind sharing with them. "Have you ever smoked before?" 

"Nah, I drink socially but I was never with the right people to smoke with."

"I can respect that. The worst thing you wanna do is try a drug impulsively or somewhere you aren't comfortable with, even if its weed," Peter nodded in agreement, and took both your hands and lead you to the bed. The three of you cuddled up on your bed, Peter and Ned watching Netflix and you loading up another bowl for you and Ned. 

"Do you guys wanna get baked. Like really really baked." 

"I feel bad using up your weed," Peter said. You were touched that Peter cared, but you'd smoke your whole stash with them if they asked, you wanted them to have fun, and hopefully make this a weekly activity. 

"You're so sweet Pete, but I don't mind. I'd be happy to smoke you up anytime. I'm curious how you're going to act high too Ned. I'll help you out, scoot over" You plopped yourself next to Ned and handed him the bong. "Okay take a deep breath. I'm gonna light it and I want you to inhale. I'm gonna pull the bowl out like this, and I want you to suck in really hard. I'm only going to light it for a second or two since it's the first time. You're gonna want to start with smaller tips. Got it?" He nodded so you got to work lighting the bowl for him. You pulled the bowl up and Ned took his hit like a champ. He blew the smoke out with a disgusted look on his face. 

"That tasted nasty"

"You'll get used to it, and maybe even like it. I love the smell of weed but I've been smoking for two years" Ned took another hit and you gave him two thumbs up with a winning smile. You officially smoked up your two best friends, the only one missing was MJ, but you guys smoke almost every day at lunch, so you knew it would probably happen soon. You offered Ned another hit and lit it for just an extra second since Ned didn't cough at all. He exhaled and felt pride swell, you were a weed mentor.

"Are you high?" 

"How do I know?" 

"Do you feel different?" 

"I dunno"

"Okay well, if you wanna smoke more I can show you how to light it if you'd like. Or Peter if you want another hit, go right ahead. I might smoke a blunt I have stored away"

"Dude how do you have so much weed you have blunts already rolled?" Peter asked as you got up and headed over your nightstand drawer. You opened it and pulled out a small travel bag that sipped open. The inside had side pouches in the inside that held a rolling tray, hemp wraps, your smell proof bags filled with a couple grams of weed and two rolled blunts. You also had a silicone ashtray on the bottom that held a couple dirty bowls, dirty, filter tips, and an atrociously dirty quartz banger for your dabbing rig. You didn't like keeping your bowls in your bongs, you would often swap them out for cleaning. You also had a stash of lighters in the other pocket and your dab tools. You grabbed a lighter and a sparked up a blunt. You grabbed the ashtray and set the glass back inside gently. 

"Peter. I'm a stoner, it's my vice. Some people have their alcohol, some people have lots of sex, I just happen to smoke a lot of weed, and when one smokes a lot of weed, you start acquiring a collection, and habits, and buddies forever. I have about ten or eleven bongs and buy weed every time I get paid. I usually stash a bit from each time I buy into a jar and use that for emergencies, four twenty and when I can't buy weed. I have three or four different dealers so it's not a problem anymore, but there was a point where my main dealer quit selling, and the others were unreliable or just took forever to answer. I almost spent fifty for an eighth because I was so desperate. That's like paying fifteen for a six-pack. Never again."

"Oof," Peter and Ned said simultaneously before they made eye contact and busted out laughing. You smirked and rolled your eyes. "You laugh at my tales of woe!" You said dramatically putting a hand on your chest and the other over your forehead. "I am wounded," you say and fall next to Ned on the bed. You landed on your back with a thump that caused Ned to almost drop the bong.

"Sorry! Sorry! Didn't think!" You took a couple hits from the blunt and let the smoke slowly escape from your mouth, rising up out if your mouth and nose.

"I feel like a dragon when I smoke. I have the power if fire!" You passed the blunt to Peter while Ned took another bong hit. He accidentally took a big hit and started coughing. You rubbed his back and remembered you brought water. 

"Here, I totally forgot I brought food and water back. I brought nacho cheese Doritos cause cool ranch can suck it, oreo snack packs, chocolate chip mini muffins, aaaaaaand SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS YES! Thank you past me!" You tearing them open. "Peter, you want in?" 

"Can you pass me some Pepsi?" 

"Sure." 

"Thank you." He cracked it open with a nice sizzle. He took a sip, held it up and went "crisp."

"Pfft. You're such a dork Parker." 

"Says you, you're room is covered half in pot leads, superhero posters, one of Spider-Man might I add, and a bookshelf filled with Star Wars books, including the extended encyclopedia which covers canon and legends. How is that not being dorky."

"Well yeah. Spider-Man and the Avengers are rad as hell. Who wouldn't have a poster of Spider-man! Besides I don't build a one thousand piece death star for fun, that's true its own level of dorkiness."

"Yeah, but that same death start is sitting on your bookshelf next to a Darth Vader chia pet. And you liked watching us build it, you're as much a dork as we are." 

You peaked over to your shelf, Peter wasn't wrong, Ned gifted it to you after they completed it, and it was one of your most prized possessions. You helped out a little but complained about having to help them with their nerd building, but only to cover up the fact that you really enjoyed spending time with both of them.

"Yeah yeah, sure whatever. Can we watch Thirteen Going Onto Thirty? I love watching it." You said dodging the truth.  
Peter took notice but choose not to say anything. 

"Why do you like that movie?" Peter asked. You were offended. 

"It's funny, I mean the concept of a thirty-year-old acting like a thirteen-year-old is funny. Especially since she actually acts like a real thirteen years old, complete with that ugly dress and those stupid pigtails like that's peak humor, and that one scene where her boyfriend tries giving her a striptease and starts freaking out and kicks him out in his underwear. Fantastic, and I actually like the sweet romance. She may only be thirteen, but she learns to not be a stuck up bitch" 

You took another hit of the blunt. Ned had taken a couple hits during your movie rant and dork competition with Peter and was thoroughly baked. You were also getting really stoned taking a few more hits from the half-finished blunt and offered Peter a last hit before you finished it. Your room was smoky, and you knew the smell would waft into the hallway if it didn't already. Your roommate didn't care if you smoked as long as the smell didn't travel. You didn't want to get kicked out, but your landlord was nice and usually let you know if she was stopping by beforehand so you knew when to clean up. 

"This is nice. I'm glad I can get stoned with you. I usually don't like smoking with people but you guys are really chill. I'm glad you're my best friends. Thank you. I needed this."

"You're very welcome, and thanks for letting me smoke your stash. You're a good friend and if we do this again I'll chip in. I could get used to this" Ned says after finishing the bowl. 

"Yeah, me too. I usually vape it to help with my nightmares, and to just calm down sometimes" Peter said. You didn't know Peter had nightmares but choose not to comment unless he felt like sharing. 

"Wow, we sure are sappy, if you guys want you can stay the night. I have an air mattress I can blow up and we can make tacos for dinner later."

"Lit"

"Fucking dork"


End file.
